she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
