i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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