I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
