Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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