No stitches, just platelets and will power
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize