The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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