took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
