i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i out mim tonsoeep
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