Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
