I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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