Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
