Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
