it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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