we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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