my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
