just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
