Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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