I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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