I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
