i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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