How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
