My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
