At least make sure they are 18
Why
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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