Whod you bang
I hate your face
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize