Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
