You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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