why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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