Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
