hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
