I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
