i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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