I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
