May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
