When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
