i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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