After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
