I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
