you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
