you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
