Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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