you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The air taste purple.
Randomize
