if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
