capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
