I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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