im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The air was thick with penises
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
