I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
