Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
