My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
