dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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