he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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