Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
