Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
