My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize