did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
