based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
