All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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