Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
