remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
