12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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