dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
